Crochet, Free Time, and Social Media.

This is my most recent project:  a bubble stitch dishcloth.  This pattern is pretty easy.  While I have the time off of work, I'm trying to enjoy it and be productive.  I've been learning new crochet stitches and taking time to learn to read patterns.  I regret not learning how to crochet from my grandma Tessie while she was alive.  She managed to pass on a love of trashy romance novels, and the joys of gin (the card came).  The red and white granny square blanket she made me as a child, is still one of my most treasured possessions.  But I take comfort knowing I will be able to carry on the tradition of creating things with love, for family and friends.

When there is extra time, there is usually extra thinking...which in my case, can be both good and bad.  It's given me the opportunity to do some self exploration about what I want in life, but it's also given me the time to dwell in the past or worry about the future.  In particular, I've been thinking a lot about old friends and how I have very dear friends that live in the same city, but I haven't seen (not even for coffee) in over a year.

This lack of socialization tends to be an overarching trend in my life.  I'm aware of the reason why....I'm a classic introvert.  I enjoy spending time at home alone, and it takes a lot of energy for me to reach out and make an effort to socialize.  Compound that with the fact that I talk to people for a living (I'm a counselor), and you have a person who wants very little contact with people during down time.  This explains why I married a fellow introvert, who spends a lot of time in his own head...I don't mind at all.

I love that Facebook is around and allows me to keep in some kind of touch with friends who I probably would have let slip away.  However, there's a catch.  The thing about social media like Facebook, Twitter, and this blog, is that these sites give you a illusion of social connectedness while sitting at home all day by yourself.  It isn't real.  No one can deny that sitting down with a friend for coffee and a hug, is MUCH different than clicking a button to like someone's post on Facebook.  Your brain gets some validation from the "likes" and "retweets", but it is a hollow feeling over time.  I need those friendly thumbs up and "lol's" in real life too.

I am working on putting forth more of an effort to reach out to my friends, and family too.  My friend Bryan used to call me "worst friend ever", and there's some truth in that!  For those who have known me a long time, I want you to know that even though I may not call or visit frequently, I still cherish you dearly and will always welcome a stop over, a lunch date, or a call should you choose to initiate.


"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely."  ~Pam Brown

The best laid plans...

I was thinking that I was going to spend more time blogging during the spring this year.  Plans change when you least expect them.  I had grand plans for starting a new position with my beloved supervisor, who was moving to a new counseling company.  In the process of moving myself and my clients the new company, there has been an unexpected gap in work and pay.  It's now almost a month where I haven't been able to see my clients, and when I do I haven't been able to get paid. I needed to make a visit to sign papers with one family, and my client (a child with autism) was jumping on the bed with a bread knife!  Talk about having a heart attack!  I don't remember disarming a hyper, giggling, jumping child, as being part of my safety care training. I was confident that I was going to have to make a 911 call that day, but thankfully he deescalated quickly.  This family, and my other client, have gone for almost a month without my support, and I can't seem to make things move along any faster.

Working with Medicaid and government funding can be difficult and irritating.  However, what makes my situation many times worse,  I think my old company screwed me over on purpose.  For ease of conversation, lets call them company A, and new company will be company B.

Company A has demonstrated significant problems in the last two years I've worked for them, including:  forcing a clinical director to resign without hiring a new one, forcing another supervisor to take on the jobs of 3 people without a pay raise, not hiring new counselors when old counselors move on, not investing in expansion of services provided when counselors express interest in outpatient and parole monitoring, and refusing to allow workers to attend vendor fairs for increased exposure.  Also, there is a regional director in place who has admitted "I don't care about these people." aka the clients and their families.  What makes her want to work in the counseling field, I have no idea.  I thought the point was to help people!  Hah, silly me.  In addition to all of this, there was a bizarre drama unfolding between the regional director and my supervisor, undeserved by my supervisor and perpetuated by the regional director.  This is what finally spurred my supervisor to leave, and what motivated me to leave instead of remaining in such an unhealthy and unhelpful work environment. 

The woman responsible for filing and Medicaid at company A, told me that my client's Medicaid authorizations would need to be closed out so that the new company could open their authorization.  My regional supervisor at company B told me the exact opposite.  Now I firmly believe that the people at Company A deliberately tried to make my transition harder, out of bitterness that I was leaving to continue working with my supervisor.  In closing out the authorizations in Medicaid's system, we will have to start the application for services over again, and unfortunately it can take an unreasonable amount of time.

All in all, I'm enjoying time off...but it would be better if I didn't have to stress about the financial issues associated with not working.  The good news is, I'm motivated more than ever to find stable employment with benefits, where my pay does not depend on a laundry list of variables that are not in my control.  I should probably work on my Etsy shop too, but I'm having fun gardening, crocheting, and catching up on my reading!  I've been cooking dinner every night, and packing the husband lunches.  I've had time to clean the house and fold laundry.  I have been working on teaching myself more crochet stitches!  So far, I've got a half double, and a double crochet down! This month, I participated in Reddit Gifts Star Wars exchange and made some fun clay stuff that I will post pics of soon.

I will do my best to keep enjoying the calm while it lasts.

 “The only order in the universe is just a cycle of calm and chaos.”
― Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity