Yesterday, I had a very trying day. While I was at a client's house, there was an incident and a friend of the family was stabbed to death. It happened at the apartment complex across the street, and the police tape, and location of the man could be seen from the front door of the home. I don't know the why's, but what good reason could there be for a 27 year old man to be dead, and a 21 year old girl to have ruined her life? These kinds of thoughts trouble me. I had difficult dreams last night, in which family members died with no apparent reason. And it got me thinking on my own worries today.
I am a worrier by nature, but I do my best to fight it. Every once in a while, I get graphic images of loved ones or myself dying in horrible accidents, or unfounded worries about people breaking into my house while I'm asleep. I worry about work issues, about my clients between sessions, about my relationship with my husband. I know that most of it is in my head, and it is fueled by my body's chemical reaction to the things in my head. I know this, but it hasn't made it easier to get rid of these thoughts when they happen. I'm a believer in the concept that all positive emotions are rooted in love, and all negative emotions are rooted in fear. I've been struggling to take a journey with my emotions lately, to go a little further down the rabbit hole, and discover the source of the fear when negative feelings arise. And then, the hardest part, I've tried to confront that source fear with love and sympathy. Love of myself, love of others, love of the process of life. I'm not sure how it's working, but I do feel slightly less anxious overall.
Then today, I read an article on The Daily Love about how fear makes you sick. Basically, your brain has terrible difficulty distinguishing between serious issues, like a bear attack, and non-life threatening issues like a fear of rejection. Your brain and body react the same way, and over time, these systems will wear out your body and tolerances to illness of all kinds. But this confirmed my original thoughts about fear, and confronting it with love and understanding.
My new mantra when anxiety arises: "There is no bear. There is no bear."
Very thoughtful. After what I had been through as a child, with both my father and my mother having had 3 marriages each, it can be tough dealing with things sometimes. Luckily, my mother had sought therapy for me at a young age and the counselor that I saw helped me develop coping skills that have helped me my whole life.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to have Elizabeth read this as sometimes her own anxieties tend to make her ill too. Stay positive! Look forward! Learn from the past, live for the future and enjoy the present.